Relationship Advice on Verbal Abuse

A verbally abusive relationship is one in which one person tries to dominate, manipulate or control a partner through the use of hurtful and demeaning words, expressions, threats and intimidation. 

This type of behavior usually reveals an insecure, repressive and manipulative personality. Definitely not someone you want to be around!

Ask yourself these questions, and the more often your answer is yes, the more likely you are to be headed for a verbally abusive relationship.

• Does he call you insulting or demeaning names?
• Does he "take your inventory," i.e., list your shortcomings in rapid fire fashion?
• Does he raise the volume of his voice quickly when there is a disagreement or even just a discussion?
• Does he say things like "How could you be so stupid?" or "I can't believe you did something that dumb?"
• Does he make outrageous demands of you?
• Does he threaten you with physical harm or some form of emotional, psychological or even financial retribution if you don't do what he tells you?
• Does he nullify or minimize every objection you raise?
• Does he shoot down every attempt you make to justify your actions or feelings?
• Does he demand vociferously that you apologize for something you've done?
• Does he deny any request you make to explain your point of view?
• Do you sometimes hear his parents or siblings doing any of the above to each other, or to their spouses or (oh please NO) their children?

Interrogatory or imperative voice? We all learned in elementary school that “interrogatory voice” means you’re asking a question.

“Imperative voice” means you’re giving a command.

Which voice does your Prince use with you?

Does he say things like

“Would you mind if I …?”

“I’d like to ________. What do you think?

“How about if we _______?”

Or do you hear words like

 “I want you to _________...”

 “Here’s what you’re going to do…”

Or the worst of them all,

 “Go get me a beer…”

We think the guys who use the interrogatory voice when talking to a woman are the Princes.

Those who use the imperative voice are the frogs.

 
Interrogatory versus accusative voice. There’s also a certain type of guy who will, figuratively or even sometimes literally, poke his finger in your chest and demand answers to an accusation.

This type of guy will start a conversation with a string of questions which usually come in rapid order:

“Why did you _____?” or

“Why didn’t you _____”

With each question, you can almost feel his index finger jabbing into the third button of your blouse.

We find this habit extremely annoying…and we think it’s a surefire sign that this guy belongs on a lily pad.

Related articles in this section:

Communication Style

Talking and Conversation

Body Language

Unspoken Expectations