Relationship Advice on Punctuality and Dependability

These two characteristics often go hand in hand in relationships. And one is usually a pretty good barometer for the other, so we’re combining them in this section.

Let’s admit up front that women are often accused of being “fashionably late,” and we’ve got to say honestly, a lot of our female friends always seem to be operating in a different time zone.

So even though we, as a gender, can’t always claim to be without sin on this one, we’re going to lob a few rocks at guys who seem to have never learned to look at their watch.

One of the women in our group tells the story of a guy she started dating a few years ago (and doesn’t any longer. You’ll see why). He was out of town on business on a weeknight, but said he’d call at 9:30 to say hello.

She was pleased when he did. Right on schedule, in fact.

But a minute or so into their conversation, he mentioned that some of his friends were getting together down by the pool and he’d been asked to join them.

So he basically cut their conversation short, but promised he’d call back within half an hour.

Rather than tuck herself in, she waited by the phone.

10 o’clock came. No call.

11 o’clock came. Still no call.

Midnight. Ditto. So she went to bed. She had to get up for work the next morning.

Around 1:30, her phone rang. It was him.

“What happened,” she asked, groggily. “I thought you were going to call back in half an hour. Is everything okay?”

“Oh yeah,” he said. “We just got to talking, and I lost track of time.”

She was flabbergasted.

The rest of the story, as Paul Harvey would say, isn’t hard to figure out. She continued to see him for about a month, but after two more similar incidents, she ended the relationship.

Three strikes are more than he’d have gotten from some women. Unfortunately, some women would have also given him way more than three, and then come to grief because of it later on—after the relationship became more permanent.

There’s not much redeeming social value in a guy who feels he can be cavalier with your time.

There could be a number of character flaws at work here. We’ll mention the two that are most plausible.

He thinks his time is more important than yours, or similarly, he thinks your time isn’t important at all. If this is the case, he probably has an inflated estimate of his own worth.

Frog warts are just busting out all over this type of guy, charming and self-confident though he may sometimes seem.

The other possibility here is even more dark.

He’s passive-aggressive, and by disregarding the value of your time, he’s trying to assert psychological control over you.