Relationship Advice on Psychological and Emotional Dysfunctions

See Addictions and Dysfunctional Behaviors 

We've all heard of the classic "control freak." We all probably know more than one. 

Joyce didn't think Bill fit the description. Smart and self-confident, he was easy-going, engaging in conversation, and open-minded on all subjects.

But a few months into their relationship, Joyce started noticing something that struck him as slightly odd.

It happened whenever they went to a restaurant. As soon as they finished looking at their menus, Joyce would put hers down on the table.

Bill immediately reached over, picked up her menu, and put it on another part of the table.

Of course, it seemed like no big deal at first. But she decided to test it once. She suggested a repeat visit to a restaurant where she had noticed this behavior before.

After choosing what to order, she put menu on the exact space on the table Bill had moved it on a previous visit.

Sure enough, Bill picked up her and moved it to a different part of the table--the same spot she had originally put it the first time they ate there.

This behavior got her thinking. And she began to notice other behaviors that signaled to her that Bill wanted—even needed--to be in control.

For instance, when they'd drive somewhere together, she would sometimes say "Oh, you're going this way? I thought you'd take I-79."

The next time, going to the same destination, Joyce got on I-79.

Right on cue, Bill seemed surprised and said he had expected her to take a different route--the same route he argued against the last time.

It was a light bulb moment for Joyce. She realized Bill wasn't satisfied with even some of the simplest decisions she made, and she was gently trying to "fix" them.

She disengaged from the relationship, deciding that it wouldn't be long before Bill started trying to "fix" her in less subtle ways.

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