Relationship Advice on Friends, Co-Workers, "Exes" 

We’ve touched on the subject of friends an co-workers elsewhere, but there are a few more things we have to say.

Before we get to that, let’s go to that most dangerous place in relationships.

The “Ex”

Or in most cases, the “Exes.”

Every partner's behavior toward you will be influenced in someway by his or her history.

“History” is another way of saying “those who preceded you.”

What they tell you about these people will probably also tell you a lot about your future with him.

We should say up front that you should never expect them to be too complimentary, especially if several of their partings could not be described as “sweet sorrow.”

Break-ups are inherently tough and painful, and no one should be surprised if some hard feelings linger for a while.

The key phrase is “for a while.”

Psychiatrists tell us that the end of a marriage or a long term relationship often triggers the same feels as losing someone to death.

You go through anger, grief, etc.

So you may need to do a little detective work to find out where your prospective partner is in this cycle as you grow closer.

We’re not here to advise you how to make your relationship work if you think you may want to marry them and become the last partner in their entire life.

We will try to help you figure out though, if you would be better off being the last one lately.

Does he keep you away from his friends? We touched on this subject in an earlier chapter. There could be several reasons he declines when you ask to meet the people in his social or employment circle

But we can’t think of one that’s in your best interest.

You learn a lot about a person from the friends they keep. If he’s putting a wall between you and other people in his life, there’s probably a reason.

Does he not want to meet your friends, or make it clear he doesn’t like your friends? This is also a warning sign. He should have a healthy curiosity about your gal pals and co-workers, just as you should about his.

A lack of curiosity in these areas is not generally a good sign.

Similarly, if he thinks all of your friends are jerks, it’s probably his way of saying he wants you to spend all your time with him and none with them.

Does he expect to spend lots of time with his friends, but becomes resentful when you spend any time with yours? In our opinion, this is a big warning sign. He’s imposing a double standard on you.

Bad news no matter how you look at it.

Similarly…
 

Does he complain when you spend time with your friends but not him? Admittedly, if you’re in an exclusive relationship and you want to spend more time with your friends than with him, something’s wrong.

But an occasional “girls night out” should not become a point of contention. If it is, it’s probably because he’s becoming possessive, jealous, suspicious, or all of the above.

Relationships don’t prosper where there’s possessiveness, jealousy or suspicion.

Does he want to know too much about your friends? Conversely, be careful if he starts asking a lot of questions about your female friends after he’s met them.

It’s a good thing if he wants to know more about them so he can fit in better and become more a part of your life.

But if he wants to know a lot more about them, it might be a signal that he wants to become more a part of their lives—and not in a happy way for you.

Does he want you to meet his family too soon? “Too soon” is hard to define, but to us it means this.

Too soon is before you’ve indicated to him that you like him and want to become more a part of his world.

If he’s kissing you goodnight after a first date, and says he wants to take you home to meet mom and dad on your second date, lookout.